Tuesday, September 25, 2007

how to pee on a police car without getting fined!

first step - stand in front of a doughnut shop. wait until a cop car arrives and the cops go inside.step 2 - get close to the vehicle. pretend you're waiting to cross the street.step 3 - swiftly turn to the police car and proceed to pee on it. do this fast, before the light turns green.final step - cross the street normaly.

how to pee on a church on a sunday and live!

first step - secretly climb on the roof of the church. retreive accurate wind direction and speed data, vital for this mission. step 2 - position yourself near the church. mingle with the crowd when possible, so everything seems normal. step 3 - move in position next to the front door of the church. pretend you're praying, or meditating, or something. step 4 - when nobody is watching, aim your device with your praying hands as to disguise the gesture. use the wind to succesfully pee on the church without affecting your pants.final step - run as fast as you can before they realise what happened.

Monday, September 24, 2007

how to pee on a house and get away with it!

first step - position yourself in front of the target house. pretend you're waiting for someone.step 2 - wait untill all the lights in the house go dark. when the time is right, slightly knock on the door to make sure everybody's fast asleep.
step 3 - proceed to urinate on their front door. make sure you aim at a right angle so you don't sprinkle your shoes.
final step - slowly leave the scene so you don't arouse suspicion.

how to pee on a tree like a professional!

first step - spot the right tree. one without bushes will do just fine.
step 2 - go to the tree for a closer inspection. make sure the ground around it is safe to stay on without dirtying your shoes.
step 3 - check the weather conditions. wind direction and speed is critical.
step 4 - get in position with your back to the wind and let it rip. enjoy with a loud sound.final step - wiggle and leave the scene like nothing happened.